i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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