So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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