I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
