There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My vagina just clenched in fear
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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