I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
