My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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