you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
