I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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