I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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