I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
