the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
im having a threesome with these popsicles
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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