Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
