somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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