my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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