There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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