So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
