highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
