I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
