Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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