i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
