Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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