I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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