just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
