He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
