He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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