Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize