he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
