bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
