apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
