If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
