birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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