Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
