Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
