Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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