I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
