I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
