That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
the condom got lost in my hair
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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