I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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