My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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