Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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