Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize