Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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