oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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