the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
