Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
