this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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