Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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