He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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