**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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