I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
