Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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