we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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