At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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