I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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