This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
