I want to walk on stilts...naked
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
