I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
