Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
