In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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