I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
