If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
