mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
