My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
