I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize