At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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