U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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