How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
