judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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