Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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