just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
