she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
