I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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