i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
