i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
