google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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