I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
