I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
