Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
