1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize