So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
