I'm gonna have a badass scar
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
