So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
