Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
