Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
