Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
