Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just high enough for therapy.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
