Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
