Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
