Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
