I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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