So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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