Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
