i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
