Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I want to fling myself into the sun
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
